JcPenney's Portraits

Well they definitely didn't turn out how I wanted. Liam peed on their set and refused to take almost all pictures. The website said not to feed them beforehand otherwise they would fall asleep, but it just made him really grumpy! I guess we know for next time!

1 Month

1 Month Stats:
Length/Height-21 inches
Head-15 5/8 inches
Weight-11 lbs. 7 oz.

Liam sat in his lamby, like a good boy,
while I took my first shower at home!

I love my son and spending every minute with him!

Fawna loves him so much. She is always checking on him and when he cries, she brings him her toys to try to make him feel better. I was so worried she would be jealous and act out, especially against him. I am so proud of her for how great she is with Liam!


Liam had lots of visitors!



Liam is always ready for his close-ups


Liam Michael Livingston

Liam's First Bath at Home!

Almost there....

The last few pictures before Liam is born!

32 weeks and 5 days

04/17/10- Two days before my induction. I am so HUGE!

32 Weeks/Baby Shower

How far along?: 32 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +17 total
Maternity clothes?: I got two new shirts from motherhood maternity, a maternity belt and OMG I had to buy a 40DDD bra :-(
Stretch marks?: Yes, they are ugly
Sleep: Not doing really well, my heartburn has been acting up really badly when I have been sleeping and I wake up wanting to puke!
Best moment this week: My baby shower!
Movement: Yes he makes my tummy move like crazy, but he is shy whenever anyone else wants to touch him.
Food cravings: I've started craving sweets. 9 pounds in two weeks, obviously I'm having some cravings and eating
Gender: BOY!
Labor Signs: Well I'm definitely experiencing Braxton Hicks. My hips and pelvis are also starting to do funny things.
Belly Button in or out?: Still in. I don't think it will pop.
What I miss: Feeling comfortable when I walk.
What I am looking forward to: OMG OMG My 4D ultrasound on Saturday. Lots of people gonna be there!
Weekly Wisdom: "Eh whatever"
Milestones: 8 months BABY!

Well I have been away for the past couple weeks!! Things have been so busy! Mommy started a new job with Bank of America working in the fraud department. Hopefully I can do well, so I can pay our bills. Training has been extremely tedious and I have been struggling to stay awake. Guess the tiredness is back! I have also been having a hard time grasping things and remembering them as quickly as I normally do. I know it is do to the pregnancy, but it is so extremely frustrating. I'm not used to working at a slower pace and I sure hope when baby Liam/Ethan comes out I will bounce back. I also moved into a bigger place and I am so much happier! My baby's room is really starting to come together and it's not cluttered in my apartment anymore. Luckily my mother was able to come down and help me and Joel, Justin, my sister and the kiddos. I was really lucky. They helped me do it all! I also had my baby shower on Sunday 3/7. I have included pictures at the bottom. I had so much fun and was really surprised at how generous everyone was. I am really lucky to know such wonderful, giving people. We appreciate it so much because things are pretty tight and without Ben's support it is hard to buy everything he needs! My sister did a great job as a hostess, even with her "cake disaster", I was really happy, it went smoothly and wasn't stressed at all, which means she did her job! I still have to write out my thank you cards. I feel bad because they will be impersonal and more ecards, but I didn't get any addresses since my original invitations were ecards also. I guess it is the thought that counts. I cannot freakin' wait until Saturday because I get to see my baby's cute little face. I'm also really excited to share that with people who are really close to me. I'll be putting up those pictures as soon as I can. Ben and I are still about the same. We are talking a little about the baby more frequently. I still can't trust him and don't really believe a word out of his mouth. I guess we'll see. I still love him, but I am really hard on him. He doesn't get to know how I feel and I will never be vunerable or pathetic in front of him again. I think in the long run he is missing out big time, but that's his fault. I'm just trying to get through one day at a time right now. I will try to start writing more again, things have just been insane!

30 Weeks/Update

When is your due date? 5/1/2010
What week are you in? 30
How much weight have you gained? 8 pounds total so far
Have you had an ultrasound? Yes, quite a few
Do you know the gender of your baby? If so, what? Yup, boy
Do you have a name picked out? What? Liam Alexander or Ethan Riley
Is the child being named after someone? Nope
Who is going to be with you during delivery? My mommy and my sister
Natural or medicated childbirth? Give me the drugs!
How are you feeling right about now? Pretty good, anxious
What was the first thing you bought for baby? An outfit
Do you feel you are ready to have a baby? I am definitely ready for him to be here. Wish I was a little more financially stable and me and his father were together, but I am ready.
Are you excited or scared about delivery? Both. Excited for the outcome, scared for the process
Any food cravings? I keep craving a good ol' margarita. Haven't given in ;-)
Anything you loved before that you absolutely cannot eat anymore? Nothing that I won't be able to soon!
Anything else you'd like to share or vent about? Read on for update!

Anyone that knows what has been going on or has been keeping up on my blog knows that Ben and I hadn't spoken. More like, he wouldn't talk to me. Well he has since come to his senses, in that regard anyway, and I believe we have really reached a conclusion to back and forth mess. For now. He and I will not be a couple ever again and maybe friendship is something I will consider years from now, but at this point we have a cordial agreement for our son. He said he wants to be there for the baby and as long as he shows he can be a good, responsible father I will not take that away. He and I are not going to speak unless it has to do with the baby. I am giving him all updates on doctors appointments and sending him ultrasound pictures. I am not allowing him to attend doctor's appointments or the birth. I know some of you will disagree with that decision, but this is my life. I have been through an extreme amount of stress and hurt during my pregnancy and I only want people around who uplift me and support me. Pregnancy is a special time that a woman chooses to share with a man and he has lost everything with me, including that. I am still consulting him on the name and asking for his opinion on important things and I think after everything he has put me through I am being generous. As long as he keeps up with his part of the financial responsibilities and makes his son a priority in his life, not a once a month optional hang out time, he will be a big part in his child's life. That brings me to "child support". For all the single mother's out there, approximately how much money do you get a month for one child from someone with about a 29,000/yr income? We aren't going through the courts, so we will be responsible for coming up with an amount. I don't want to be unreasonable, but I want to make sure he does his share. I mean diapers, health insurance, daycare, eventually food, that really adds up. That isn't something I am too concerned with hashing out at the moment, but I know it will be a sore subject with him, so I want to make sure I am prepared with the facts.

All that being said, how am I really doing with it? After my blog a week or so ago, you'd think I would be dying. Surprisingly, I feel pretty good. Don't get me wrong, it hurts. I love Ben and I am sure I always will. There is a lot I miss about him and us. It hurts talking to him and thinking about having to see him. I hate giving up my dream of a family with him. Right now I still block out the good times, to help get through the hurt. However, I am much more objective now that I haven't seen him in over a month. I am seeing the things I didn't before and I know I deserve a lot better. I feel like I have closure. I have done everything I can and what he is willing to give just isn't enough for me. Although I am scared it is going to be hard, I am so happy my son will have his father in his life. I am relieved I will have financial help and I can provide him the life I want to. I am worried about how I will be when I have to let my son spend time away from me with his dad, even more so with his dad and any female in his life. But that won't be for awhile and luckily for me I get to be involved in any decision to bring a third party into my son's life. He won't be confused and I will be his only mother ever. No "step-mom" no "mom2", none of that crap. Maybe that is selfish, but I don't care. Anyway, I am not healed, I am not happy with the way things have turned out, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time in awhile, I feel like eventually I will be able to be happy again.

Oh and how could I forget? (Well that's easy, I'm a pregnant lady). I went to the doctor's today. They were running behind like crazy. Nothing too mind blowing. Got to hear my son's heart, my sweet baby. I tested negative for gestational diabetes and everything was good. Doc is proud I have only gained 8 pounds my whole pregnancy.

That's about it for tonight! Much love!

29 Weeks

Mommy still loves her makeup ♥ Pink, my only attempt at the spirit of the week

How far along?: 29 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I was the same as my last dr. appt when I went to the Wic office
Maternity clothes?: Yes I got three shirts from Wally World
Stretch marks?: Yes, I hate them.
Sleep: Bad insomnia. My sleep schedule is so messed up.
Best moment this week: Got my kiddo's car seat
Food cravings: Nothing really new
Gender: My baby boy
Labor Signs: I have started cramping once in a while
Belly Button in or out?: In
What I miss: Cycling
What I am looking forward to: Moving, baby shower
Weekly Wisdom: "If he is stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go"
Milestones: Meh, getting through this stupid holiday



Also want to say one of the biggest supporters of my pregnancy and one of the coolest girls ever had her birthday this weekend.

Happy 24th Elena!