Monday, January 24, 2011

When the Grass Isn't So Green





Ok....most of the time I don't mind being a single mother. It definitely has its hardships, but its worth every minute. What I am having a hard time with is dealing with shared custody. It is supposed to get easier as we go, but it isn't. HE was so cruel and uncaring during my pregnancy. When I think back on the beginning of the "custody battle" (it really wasn't a battle) I was just so terrified a judge/the courts were going to rip this precious little joy out of my hands 50% of the time that I gave in too easily. Someone who completely ignores the person carrying his child for weeks, months on end (even with pleas about our unborn child) is not ready to have responsibility for that unborn person. Not to mention not getting a license or cleaning his house until I had to throw a fit. Don't get me wrong, I would never take Liam's father away, I was always okay with parenting time, but if he ever attempts to take me to court again, I will fight for full custody. I have to tell him when and how to feed him...9 months later.... change his diaper more than every 4 hours, lots of things he should already know. He doesn't pitch in with formula or food or toys. He thinks his life is the only one that counts (no change from pre-Liam) and always disrespects me. His "I'll do what I want, when I want and I don't care who it affects" mentality is really starting put me at my breaking point. I know this is a shallow rant because I really shouldn't get into too much detail, but it is really getting to me. I just wish he was completely out of my life, period, but then I look at those big blue-gray eyes and that half toothless grin and I remember that everything I do is for him. So I'll deal. But it really weighs me down. Does anyone have input on ways to cope with shared custody with someone you really dislike hate (yes, sad, but I do)???

2 comments:

Danielle said...

Ugh! This is just awful. I am blessed to have my BF very involved with my son and I don't have to worry about giving him time because I know that he's in safe hands. We are still together at this point, but if we were to ever break up it would be hard. However, even though we are together he still gets his visitation stuff, and he still gets to have his alone time with JC. I can't lie those times are hard. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know if he's feeding him, if he's changed his diaper, if he pooped did he get every little speck? It's so hard. The best thing to do is try and realize that as Liam gets older he will understand for himself the relationship he has with his dad. All the things you see as his mom, he'll see as young boy. We love our babies and our sons are blessed to have fathers in their lives but it is so hard for a mommy to give her baby to someone else to care for. I mean afterall, no one does it better than us - right? Right. I know this probably wasn't much help, but if you ever need to privately rant I'm here for you!!! E-mail me! dmshaheen@gmail.com

xoxo
Danielle

Mama Katie said...

Thank you Danielle, you're a sweetheart!! I think what is hard for me is that Liam and I have our schedules and routines and his father always seems like he wants to undermine or outdo me. Liam sees his father two days a week and I feel it is impossible to make co-decisions on a day to day basis about Liam when he sees him ten hours a week. The rest of the however many hours make up the week are just me and Liam. I don't feel he knows what it takes to make informed decisions about Liam that joint custody involves. Plus, I don't trust him with the most precious thing to me (like you mentioned) because he has lied his whole life. He is very immature and selfish, so it really worries me, though I know he will never abuse Liam in anyway, but that he could neglect him or make the wrong decisions because he is more concerned about himself or his needs. Its a long mess and hard to explain it all. But I appreciate your support and kind words!